it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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