Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
