He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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