Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
