On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
