I miss vodka workout Fridays
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
