loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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