Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
