If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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