I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
