So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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