He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
