your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
