ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
