brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
