he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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