we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
