i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize