and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
