I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
