A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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