How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
