A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
