that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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