halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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