i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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