Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
