friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
