call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
