The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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