How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
