In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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