he shaved USA in his pubs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
