he thought i was a dude.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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