Sry I called you an 8
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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