there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
