i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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