this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
