Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
