I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
