am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
