And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
