some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
