Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
