Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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