I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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