Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
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