you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
