So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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