so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
