I can text with my tongue
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
